Thankfulness Project 3.0 + Yes, Another Pool Photo

Dramatic clouds about an hour before sunset

Sitting by (or, more often, but less photogenically, swimming in) the rooftop pool with condo towers rising to one side and church spires to the other as the final rays of sunlight transform the sky into a glowing backdrop, I have more than once this summer been powerfully reminded of how very much I have been given. God has provided this amazing place for us to live, and I still remember walking in the first day and thinking, "This apartment is amazing; I must never stop thanking God for it." That was over 8 years ago, and by God's grace I have been able to keep that promise. His provision has at times been miraculous and other times seemingly mundane, and through it all, I remain very aware of the privilege we have to live here. To have a comfortable home where we can extend hospitality to others (current record = 16 people in the living room), where we can sprawl out on the couch to unwind with Netflix (her) or the Food Network (him), where we can have a cool place to sleep in the summer so I don't end up with heat stroke (actually) - these are amazing comforts and gifts for which I am profoundly grateful. 

Perhaps, as an introverted homebody who usually prefers a night in to, well, pretty much anything else, it's easy for me to be thankful for these "comforts of home." Yet how easy it is for me to take so many other blessings for granted, be they little or big. The "Thankfulness Project" originally started as my answer to the celebrated concept of the "Life List." (Not that there's anything inherently wrong with a Life List, for the record!) I can't think of any better time to revive it than during my vacation month when I have been afforded so many quiet moments to remember that I have indeed been blessed beyond measure by the Giver of all good gifts.

xo,

K

P.S. The night I took this photo there was another resident enjoying the view from the terrace while I was swimming. He walked the entire perimeter of the pool deck, taking in the full panoramic vista from all sides, and after circling back to his starting point he could no longer contain his enthusiasm and joyfully exclaimed, "I think this is the nicest rooftop pool and patio in the whole of downtown! It's as if the entire city was built around us - and that view!" (Later on he came back with another gentleman, explaining to me that he just couldn't keep this view to himself and had to share it with his friend!) 

On Beauty

It probably makes no sense to use hashtags in a blog (captions for my previous photo update notwithstanding), but for this week's #tbt I thought it would be fitting to share a piece I wrote for a student blog about a year and a half ago. This post still has a lot of personal resonance for me as I have continued to reflect on and sometimes wrestle with considerations of beauty and body image and what it means to be a Fat Person living in a skinny-obsessed society (but that's really a post for another day). 

I remember feeling a sense of release when I first committed these thoughts to paper, but there have admittedly been many times since then when I have not felt that same freedom from a worldly preoccupation with my physical appearance and the (self) criticism of "not ____ enough." While I still have work to do here, I hope the following words are an encouragement to you! And if you'd like to read something written by someone much wiser than I am, I recommend this great article.

Much love to you all,

K xx

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On Beauty

There are a lot of competing messages out there about beauty. Pass by any magazine rack at a checkout counter and they will be there, splashed across the glossy pages in all their designed-to-make-you-feel-inadequate, unrealistically-air-brushed glory. The media has no shortage of opportunities to remind us that if you're not young and sexy with flawless skin, voluminous lashes, and whatever bust-waist-hip ratio is currently considered desirable, life is barely worth living. Haven't we all internalized at least some aspects of this worldview? The Bible teaches us that “beauty is fleeting” (Prov. 31:30), but that doesn’t stop us from vainly struggling against that inevitability with special anti-aging serums, face creams, hair dye, and, in more extreme cases, elective plastic surgeries.

Doesn’t the world’s obsession with outer beauty feed our inner “comparison dragon” so that we get caught up from time to time (or maybe all the time?) in comparing ourselves to other women, usually those with a particular attribute we dislike in ourselves and covet in someone else? I can’t speak for you, but I know that is certainly true for me. Of course this blatantly flies in the face of godly wisdom which instructs us a) not to covet (Exodus 20:17), and b) that our beauty should come from our “inner sel[ves], the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit" (1 Peter 3:3-4). But I guess Vogue and MTV didn't get the memo on that and I must have missed that lesson in Sunday School...

On the other hand, in the #bodypositive/we are all beautiful/anti-airbrushing camp, a different segment of society preaches that we deserve to feel beautiful and that we should focus on loving ourselves. On the surface such messages about loving your body no matter whether or not it conforms to society’s current (fickle) standards of beauty sounds like a much-needed antidote. However, to be blunt, this message is simply not true either. The Bible has a lot to say about what we all deserve and, sorry ladies, it's not to feel and be treated like goddesses. Check out Romans 1:18-32, Romans 2:5-11, Ephesians2:3, and Matthew 13:40-42 if you don't believe me. And there's a word for what happens when you make self-love your highest aim; it starts (appropriately enough) with "I" and ends with "dolatry."

By the way, in case any of this makes it sounds like I have all this body image/self-esteem stuff worked out and don't have any insecurities of my own, let me just say this: I am a fat woman living at a time when the "obesity epidemic" is currently considered the scourge of North America. I have plenty of baggage when it comes to body image. Girl, you don't have to tell me that times are tough! But I am here to tell you that it doesn't have to be these two extremes.

We don't have to choose between self-love and self-loathing. Christ has provided us with a better way, a narrow path, and it leads directly to Himself. We need to get our eyes off the scale and fix our eyes on the One who died for us. If we are covered in His blood it has removed our weight of sin, which is the only weight that really matters. We have to stop staring at ourselves in the mirror and cataloguing our so-called flaws and spend more time fixing or eyes on the Lord, the Creator of heaven and earth.

Psalm 139 tells us that we are fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful, did you hear that? The way God designed you is wonderful. Don't you go denigrating His creation by despising your body! Then, as if to reinforce this point, David repeats himself and immediately says, "your [God’s] works are wonderful, I know that full well." Like, "in case you missed it the first time, ladies, I want to be clear that the proper description for the way God made you is WONDERFUL, not 'needs airbrushing' or ‘could stand to lose a few pounds’."

Do you want to know why you really are beautiful? It's because you were personally designed (or "knit together") by a beautiful God, and He made you in His image.

That's it, right there. It's actually not about you at all, it's about the One who created you, who ordered your DNA, who made you wonderfully unique in order to image and reflect Himself. And not only that - it gets better! When that beautiful image was marred by the ugliness of sin, as it is for all of us since Adam's rebellion, God still regarded you as so precious that He sent His own Son to die for you so that you could be made beautiful again by the righteousness of Christ (Romans 5:6-11, Ephesians 1:4-8).

So the next time you catch a glimpse of yourself or are struggling with feeling less than beautiful, I hope you can remember what really makes you beautiful. The world's definition of beauty is ever-changing, but God is the same yesterday, today, and forever, and His fingerprints are all over your beautiful self if you only have the eyes to see them. Less of us, more of Him. Less of me, oh Lord, and more of You. That’s where true beauty lies. ∎

13,000 Words

If a picture is worth a thousand words, do these thirteen pictures from the first ten days of my vacation make up for seventeen months' worth of non-existent posts? I'm pretty sure that's how this whole blogging thing works, right? (Nailing it!)

#poolsideproblems #toorelaxed (July 1)

#chanfamjam (July 2)

#vacationgoals (July 3)

#thatombresky (July 3)

#IKEAdates #favefroyo
(July 4)

#FindingDory #fishface #duckface
(July 5)

#clutterfreecubbies (at last!) (July 5)

#solitarysunsetswims (July 5)

#glamorousvaccinationgoals (July 7)

#specialdelivery #TraderJoe's (July 8)

#cottoncandyclouds (July 8)

#afternoontea (July 9)

#introverting (July 10)

Day One Down

Happy New Year, long-lost but never forgotten readers!

I didn't quite manage to squeak in under the wire and get this post written on New Year's Day itself, but isn't that just a pretty accurate metaphor for my life as a writer? When it comes to blogging I seem to live in a world of half-formed aspirations and idling idea(l)s that sink to the bottom of my to-do list and quietly slip away into the night, only to return, ever more faintly, the next day. And repeat, ad infinitum. But that's ok - I have come to embrace the Law of Undulation in my life, moods, hobbies, and interests as much as is possible for a fickle, creative type like myself. (Which is to say, sometimes it bothers me and other times it does not.)

Today was a Good Day, for which I am extra thankful as it's always nice to get a little boost to start the year off right. Wilson and I balanced productivity (hanging a couple pictures, laundry, cleaning, making soup stock) with leisure (sleeping in, watching some Food Network, double movie date with friends) and by some happy coincidence it felt like just the right combination of relaxing and getting stuff done. I daresay even our diet followed the old "everything in moderation" adage with a kale salad for lunch and shared nachos/popcorn at the movie. One can only hope that this pattern will hold and 2015 will be a year where we get this whole "balance" concept down cold. Cheers to that, and to you! Here's to another 365 filled with God's good gifts, and each day a step closer to heaven, where the balancing act will be over! xoxo